Its all in the timing. To be available when the opportunity strikes.
Me being me has certain advantages. I know when you are going to be faced with a crisis. I don’t cause it. I can't cause or change the course of your life. Only you can. I do try my damn best to exert my influence on your choices. This is the biggest grouse between me and Him. For him its all about the freewill and other such nonsense. Sometimes I rage over his impotence. Alright, its very admirable to be so father like and so aloof , detached . The whole thing bothers me. Left to yourself, you are like sheeps ; defenceless , stupid and never to reach your destination unless lead. Look around you and then say if iam wrong. If He waits for all of you to finally understand the forgotten messages and then go ‘ aha!’ and whack your forehead and reach out towards him; He is in for a lot more longer wait than eternity.
That’s where I come in.Lets not get any fresh ideas, I do not have his blessings in my endeavours. I do it for the sheer love of Him. In the end He will see that I had helped his cause. I had made him bigger.Somewhere along the way, I realize that I too have become like him because I stood up to him. If hes so much into freewill, wheres mine? I have asked him. His reply ,as usual, was direct.
‘You can never have what you have never given’
I understand. I understand so much. Then I see you, your sufferings due to your ignorance, your delusions through your illusions, your pain through your yearning. You were never his most brilliant of creation , but to let you go on suffering, because you had chosen this upon yourself, is wrong. You need help. You need the miracles. You need the prophets and you need those religions.
Sometimes , like a freak of nature, some among you surprises me. They get in tune with the beginning, your true potential. To an onlooker it will appear as if those gifts are easily begotten. I know the superhuman effort and the numerous life times it had taken for them to evolve to that stage.
Want to know how they started?- by dedicating their entire being to the right question.
They are far too few in between. They come forth like a flying star. Fascinating and brilliant and only to then die out. Between their attainment and their final end, they try to make you understand what they know.
It can't work. It’s the freewill thing. You need to work out your own salvation. Which in reality also means that you have to clean your own shit. You will be always liable for your own actions and toughts. You cannot claim ever to be influenced. If you think you were influenced you must have learned too that it takes two hands to clap. Trust me on this. You may save yourself today with all this ‘devil made me do it’ and the mental illness and psycho routine , but you have no idea how just the system really is. You will be your own punish er and theres none out there who can make you go through the hell of your own making. Every agony you see, every injustices that you see, every murder, rape, death, starvation, perversions , everything that you perceive to be evil – all you deserve, because you wanted it. All that you see as good in this world too is there because you chose it. You are all in various stages of working out your salvation and if you do not see that big picture, rightfully you are going to be a little pissed off. How are you to know that yesterdays murderer is todays victim ? How are you to know the credits you earn when you stop your karmic debt by not participating?
So you stand around trying to make some sense out of it. Lets blame the devil. Some of you blame the gods. Its all the same actually , but in the end you come out feeling a sense of hopelessness, a sense of doom. Who’s to blame? Him?
I don’t cause your sufferings, neither can I cause your happiness. Iam there to test you. To see if I am right in my assumptions, in my first argument ; if you really deserve the freewill. In every turn, you seem to agree with me. You are ready to surrender your will to your gods. Let god take the responsibility. How many of you despicable creatures know what it is to surrender to Him? To offer everything at His feet? Your sins, your happiness, your punishment and your rewards?
You don’t have the guts. You pathetic worms are willing to praise his name to highest glory, if everything around you is hunky and dory; take one thing away, and you will curse him. I still stand by what I have caused Job to go through. I still stand by what I believed. I still admire a soul who can stay steadfast in all situation.
Theres no truth you can see in the word, because you are blind and unprepared. Only he who is ready will attain Him and himself. Those who do that, does not need the scriptures or your religions. Yet you lowest of the lowest will cling to the dust that once clung to their garments and create a crutch for you to hang on. You will use their words, you will twist it, misunderstand it, sometime understand it yet ignore it, you will pervert it, to suit your needs. You will create your religions and build bigger walls from the truth. You will hide in your darkness and you will kill for your truths and you will proclaim yourself as the true faith. You are fools. For you I await. To you Iam the enemy. You should fear me. For I shall haunt your actions, watch your undoing, I will destroy your bearings, your small faith. I will watch and laugh while you rip each others throat, for you deserve no mercy because you show none. There awaits no heaven for you, no nymphs in sensual cloths. There will await no Father on a throne with his divine son beside Him.
One of the ironies of your race is that you are totally oblivious to the truth in front of you. No matter how many prophets shout it down from roof tops, no matter how many new books are written, you will always remain true only to your nature- animal. I have seen the frustration in his face when he said about pearls at swine’s feet. You will not get it. No religion you practice is the true religion, you practice words of the dead, twisted beyond recognition, to suit your lower standards , your convenience, your base conscience.
You, the people of the Lie, are a doomed race. Know this , you have not known love if you have hate in your heart. You cannot be a believer and kill at the same time. Every action and thought you do in His name will be noted and will be evened out . Theres no rewards or punishment as you think ; theres only balancing. So each cruel act is met with a cruel act , kindness with kindness, eye for an eye is a cosmic law, but in your hand it becomes a cruel act. See the catch? Detachment is the key. To be in the act without a care for the result. Then you become gods.
Anyway, why waste time? We have a long way to go, you and I.
My little librarian.
Her belief in her faith. A faith based on such loose foundation. A faith she was born into, without any understanding had clung onto. That’s not a belief , it’s a habit. Every one of you will one day face a crisis, which will be your cross road. The choice you make , the action you adopt, the thought you have will define and change the remaining of your life. Whenever you stand at that cross road, you are not alone. I stand along with you.
Why go into details? When you are as ancient as Iam, you learn to see the signs. You start to see and appreciate the pattern. When a person is going to face a crisis , its an event which has been choreographed to such perfection by you. Every birth is to give you an opportunity to experience and learn. Every event is planned by you to shed the ignorance that surrounds you and become more like Him. The catch is, of course the freewill part : you can take the horse to the water but you can’t make it drink. So in the end , its all up to you.
This is where I have a problem. Like I said earlier, you are set to fail. You have no recollection of your being or source ( but then if you did, we wouldn’t be having this conversation), you are by nature like your Creator : fickle, arrogant and naive. Yes, we have our disagreements, but in the over all picture, I believe He should adopt a more hands on approach with you. I think you need a push once in a while. A small reality check. Me.
I repeat, I had nothing to do with her problems. Iam just a witness. Yes, I could have prevented it but Iam not inclined towards such actions; moreover it will be an invasion to your scheme of things. Her son had chosen a smaller life span, and wanted to pay back the karmic debt by being killed in an accident by a soul who has suffered a similar fate in the hands of him. A simple plan. Works for everybody. He had chosen this family to be born into for the lesson his death will give them. Win Win situation. This was the actual purpose. Observe how it plays out.
The school bus driver was having the worst morning in his life. His salary had not been paid for the last month by the school, because it was being adjusted against the advance he had taken for his vacation. Yesterday, he had received a letter from home, where his wife had lamented about the financial dire strait they are facing : his children's’ school fees, mother in law’s hospital expenses, the loan sharks. He had spend the night fretting . Clueless as to how to make both ends meet. His reaction was that of anger.
He reported for duty early morning as usual. Normally the preschoolers screams and shouts were music to his ears. He was a nice man, friendly, fatherly to the children and a good worker. Today everything irritated him. The rules of the school does not permit him to shout at his wards. So he was seething by the time he reached the school. On a normal day, he would have stood by the bus door, assisting the ayahs in carrying out each kid and doing a head count. But today was not an ordinary day.
He sat behind his wheel, defiant; glad for the moment of peace in his bus. He saw through his rear view mirror the ayah cradling a small girl in her arms and closing the door. He revered the engine, put it in reverse to pull out of the drive way and go for his breakfast.
Everything what happened after that occurred in seconds. Later, he will replay it in his head again and again like a dog chasing its tail.It will seem to him as if the time stood still and those seconds dragged on like hours.
He had released the clutch and reversed.The next instant he heard the ayah banging on the side of the bus with an open palm, shouting something. The sound startled him, he felt the bus tyre going over something soft, yet hard.
His blood froze when he heard the scream .
Win win situation.